I am blessed

I am very disturbed by this news

It was so disturbing that I become so scared of my room.
Alone.
I can't walk or even bath alone.
Scared.
I feel so scared that I can feel my heart pumping up and down.
I can't even went out from my room to turn off the lights.
Darkness.
It was so disturbing that I can't even bring myself
to summarize the news.
Horrid

I even cry after I finish my prayer
because I'm so scared and I also feel pity for the said victims.
How this world have gone mental
How this people can go to such length
How this world is actually a scary place to live
How horrible is this world

How...
How...
How fortunate I am
How very fortunate I am
How I am blessed
How lucky for me to have a family
Family that will always protected me
Family that will always love me
Family that will prevent anything bad to happen to me
Family that makes me feels safe
Family that gives me the world and don't expect
anything in return...
I forgot 
in my quest to find treasure
I completely forgot that I already had the treasure.
I  need to appreciate them more.

Allah have proved that He still loves me
He know that I am suffering from my own complexity 
and He lets me encounter this news
and He shows me that
despite everything bad that happen to me
others have it worse.

I forgot about that.
I overlook things that I am blessed with.
I'm so embarrassed with myself. 

The truth is,
I always feel that I am unlucky.
That life isn't fair and I tends to compare my life with others.

Yesterday,
I consult my problems with my kouhai.
We talked a lot about my problems
and this morning I found that articles.
It really change everything in me.
It change how I think.

I am lucky and so fortunate
that Allah SWT will always
and always be with me.
He has His way with me
and I know
He knows what is best for me.
I must never forgot that.
Insyaallah.

Alhamdulillah I come to my sense.
I pray that Allah swt will helps the victims and
may they get the help they need.

amin...

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