LiFe is HarD, so KeeP oN MovIng

Can you guys believe it?!!

We are near the end!!

Wow!!

A lot has happened to me this year.

Bitter sweet memories,

gathering, traveling,

birthday, events,

outing, dining,

lepaking, fighting,

family, friends

you name it.

wow.

another month and couple of days and

we will greet the new year.

So a little recaps I think.

(Not of the year but the time I'm MIA XP)

First and foremost.

Congrats to my mom!!

after the operation on the spine,

alhamdulillah she can move her hand!!

a bit more of physiotherapy and insyaAllah

she can walk again.

that's awesome!!

Date: 17 August 2016 (operation)

15 August - 21 August 2015 (period in hospital)

2nd

Vietnam

My first holiday overseas with my bestfriend, Ayuni!

It was super fun!!

and exciting, tiring and scary?

hahaha

It was fun experience and I can't wait for another adventure!

Let's decide where to go next, ye Ayuni!!

Date: 12 August 2016 - 15 August

Yes. I landed and straight away went to the hospital.

This month was the hectic one for me.

3rd

I went to Melaka with ma twin!!

It was not an adventure-tiring-kind of holiday.

It was a relaxation trip to recharge out system

so we can work and live happily for the next month.

Hahahah!!

It was fun and I love it!

Let's plan for another trip with the knights!!

Date: 4th November 2016 - 6th November 2016

4th

The time have come!!

Tata-tada!!

Thank you my daddy for paying off my PTPTN!!

I've been paying them myself and suddenly me daddy said

that he wants to pay off all the balance for my PTPTN's loan.

Date: 10th November 2016

I am so thankful and a little embarrassed too.

But most of all thankful!!

May Allah repays your kindness daddy!!

There's today event

Date: 22th November 2016

I got my first ever (not first ever but for a veryyyyyyyyy loooooooong time)

full body massaged!!

and I sprained my ankle.

T___T

I sprained them maybe last week but

it escalated when I went out with ma twin.

Yeah I know.

I jog and walk without knowing my limit.

Shame on me..

huhuh

Anyway I don't think it is cure but I've been better.

hehehehe..

6th 

Dear Little Sister moved!!

She moved to the back of her house.

Hahaha sound a bit funny right.

Well she moved from her house to the big house behind her.

How to put it into words.

It's kinda a little house in a big house.

So after the person live in the big house moved,

the big house is given to her.

So she moved.

We did a lot of shopping for her house.

A lot I tell you!!

A LOT!!

and it was fun!!!!

We did a lot of shopping and went to a lot of shopping mall!!

I can't think of anything else.

Maybe I will edit this post if I remember them someday.

or maybe just make a new post altogether. 

That will be easier.

Anyway,

I got a lot of things on my head.

Kinda make it impossible to think them altogether

but I have to before the end of 2017.

I hope.

I trust Allah.

I believe in  Allah.

Everything that happen to me,

to my family,

have a meaning.

The good thing and the bad.

In Allah I trust.

*******************

We found out what happen to my mom.

What makes her unable to moves.

To hug,

to embrace,

to love like she used to.

The doctors

two of them said the only way to cure her is

for her to undergo an operation.

It must be be done quickly too.

Or her condition will deteriorate even more.

One of the surgeon said that she is almost paralyzed now,

so it is better to operate her fast

before things get worse.

My mom is not young.

She does not have a fit body.

I'm scares of the operation.

I am afraid of the outcome and everything.

But I also want her to be better.

To have the freedom to walk

to be healthy.

I am putting my faith in Allah.

Allah knows what best.

I'm praying for Allah to show me the way.

For mak to be better.

In Allah I trust.

That whatever happen,

will be the best.

It's still Eid so

Selamat Hari Raya!!

Happy Eidul-fitri to everyone!!

one of my poscard design ^__^

Well, to start the Eid is kinda sad and unexpected.

First my mom fall sick. 
Really sick.

She's walk with walker before but 3 days before Eid her legs completely gone weak.

Even in the house she has to move using wheelchair.

She can't even lift her hands.

She's been spoon-feed evensince.

So raya this year,

we are busy both with raya's prep and mak.

It's sad when I see my mom looking at her grandchildren

but she can't hold them anymore.

No more nenek's hug...

She can feel but she can't move.

Then, my little sis is on-call for the first and second's raya.

My dad's first Eid is with his second's family.

My cousin Ifah and Ika is with Ifah's family in Johor.

We wait until the 3rd day to visit all the families

but minus ablong's family.

he's going back to Kedah on the 2nd raya.

when we have gather everyone.

but not Ifah and Ika.

I have to wait for the 6th Eid to finally see them.

Mak really push herself to visit the families.

I can see that she's tired and it hurts her to moves,

but I kinda forced her to go.

Well,

raya is no raya if we don't visit the families.

So....

Yeah... I force her..

hahahaha

but on my defends she has tons of fun!!

We meet a lot of my mom's cousin,

Of course I have my share of fun too.

I get to meet my aunt and cousin who lives overseas

They come back to celebrate raya in Malaysia.

Aunty, uncle and my cousin at our toksu's house.

It was a full house!!

Totally a blast!!

Mak and abah's selfie
Two of my favourite people!!

The only family's photo that I have.

Woo-hoo, lucky me~

The Rain's Troop abit short this year.

Hahaha still, a happy Eid it is!!~

We are all one crazy-happy bunch!!

Then after we got home
we schedule mak to visit the hospital

The doctors set up a date for the MRI's scan to figure out,

what exactly happen to mak.

I hope she can be cure.

Maybe not as healthy but I sincerely pray

that she can lift her arms and legs again.

To be able to hug again.

Well even with a lot of my family missing on Eid's day

raya is still a raya,

and even without mak's hug,

a mother is still a mother.

regardless.

Love you mak!
I love you all!!

The Devil Inside Me

Inside Seven :   I'm sorry that I trust you

The trust I build.
The trust I have.
Crush.



The intention was not clear.
The answer remain a mystery.
The only thing I know
that you choose to betray me.

That's all it takes, for me to walk away.
To leave you together with the memories.

I never imagine how painful it is to be this way.
How a human being can be cruel.
How a human heart can stand the emotion.
How I...
How I can be strong and still wish for you to be happy...

I will not point finger.
Or say it was your fault.

The fault will remain a puzzle.
Either it was yours or it was mine.
Maybe it was mine.

Looking back I know,
I trust myself,
how good I have been.
How devoted I have been to you.
Yet, it was not enough.

I'm still confused as why this happen.
My knights however told me not to.
The truth can be gray but myself have been clear.
I have been good.
I have been awesome.
and if that is not enough for you.
Then,
walk away.









No.






I'll go.

I'll go, my friends.

This is where we part and I sincerely wish
that our path will never cross again.
Adieu...

What's more,

mine is way expensive than hers.

I'm grateful to Allah because He gives me her.

May Allah swt bless you with all kind of blessing!

Love you love~

It was so fun hanging out in Nilai 3.

Panas of course. In the store they didn't have enought air-cond.

I was drenched in sweat..

T___T

I was totally over-excited looking at the goods there.

It will be fun to shop for raya there.

Maybe after renovation kot (insyaallah. semoga dipermudahkan)

Korang boleh jadi

literally giler, tak tahu nak buat keputusan and penat.

Sangat penat because every stores has it's special things and special price.

and the third one we spend almost 2 hours. hahaha

p.s I actually don't have the intention to post this.

but my addicted sister insist I put this on my blog. 

So this is it. hehehe.

Happy Mother's Day, Mak!!!

I love you with all my heart and wish the very best for you.

I may not be a perfect daugter

or even a perfect child but I love you nonetheless.

You are my soul, my shine and my life.

Everything that I do and everything that I am going to do

is because of you.

I hope you will be forever healthy,

and forever happy.

May Allah's SWT bless you my dear mak

and have a happy year

because you deserve every single bits of it!!!

.

I am thankful to Allah SWT

for giving me a wonderful baby sister.

Baby sis just got back yesterday

and she insist of coming to my room.

I was sitting in the living room you see.

Doesn't suspect anything,

I concur

but what I didn't expect is this!!

This is superdelighted form of happiness to me!!

I am grateful that in despair

baby sis gave me something that makes me happy.

I love you more than I loves this gift.

Hope everything works out for you too baby.

May Allah swt bless you with more happiness

than the one you gave me dear.

I already give in,

Don't ask for more...

What I give is too much even for me.

Please stop pressuring me.

This relationship happen just because of you.

I never agree to anything.

Now you are asking far more than I can give.

When I declined you showed, disappointment?

You are turning me into a bad guy here.

Stop trying to make 'this' happen.

What you are doing to me only make it worse.

I already fall beyond reason.

Don't give me reason to end my life.

You are not making an effort towards me.

Why should I do the same?

Sometimes I think you are bias towards them

While's I'm trying to comprehend everything that you destroy. 

Please just let me be me.

This is already the best that I can give.

When you ask for more,

that's when I stop.

To tell the truth,

I don't remember exactly the date of this anniversay

but it has been a year in my book.

Happy Anniversary, Me

A year full of anxiety,

A year filled with happiness,

A year where I don't know if this will work out of not,

A year filled with hope and future...

A year in a new house,

A year with new environment,

a new surrounding 

and a new beginning.

Allow me to rambles,

If truth been told,

You will know how

I'm grateful that in this 'one year'

everything changed.

I have been nothing but peace and happy

I have fun and I am happy

and I am happy that something did change.

The Bond

Our family's bond 

is getting a lot stronger than before.

It's strange to one point but I'm grateful

through thick and thin

this family still holds up together

I always pray that for whatever reason there is,

this family will always be together.

regardless.

-Family is all we had in the end isn't?

With that,

in this new house we have celebrated lots of celebration.

It have been a year, of course

Birthday, Anniversary and Holidays

all I can say is

- Alhamdulillah

There is nothing better than Alhamdulillah

and 

I like to think that

Allah has gives us many hardship and He

gives this happiness as rewards.

We treasure things we once lost right.

I treasure this more than before and more than before

I try to keep the bond strong and let it be stronger.

Friendship though came out empty...

I haven't had a chance to meet any of my friends

except for the Langkawi's trip.

It is a sad time for my friendship and it is indeed have been

a struggle with myself.

I miss my friends so much

and I missed the time we spend together.

It have been difficult to meet and for that I am sorry.

I will forever holds them close to my heart.

and whenever we do meet,

nothing will change.

We will be us.

Another year to come.

Another new beginning

Let's make the best of this year 

and

have faith that for whatever reason you are suffering today,

there will be an endless happiness waiting at the end of the road.

You believe

and the believe will come true.

You are what you believe yourself to be.

If you believe you will be happy,

trust me,

You Will be Happy.

p.s It is impossible to put all the pictures in here.

you know who you are.

I miss you too.

I never knew this day will come.

Never would I expected it to be this way.

To feel this pain.

The humiliation.

The suffering of the unknown.

The fault though,

rest in my shoulder

thus the pain doubles it.

How I let this happen?

Every thing has been calculative.

and yet

I let this one slipped.

I am to blamed.

The fault is mine.

The mistakes that should have not happen.

Happen.

Now,

I so confused and scared.

I really hope there is a way out of this.

It's the little things in life that makes me smile.

I find it amusing.

and true.

I found out something this week.

Not a big thing.

Not noticeable in anyway.

Yet,

it gave me satisfaction

and happiness.

Strange how little that things,

brings out the biggest smile on my face.

Hope next week will be even better for me.

InsyaAllah.

Yesterday I make an oath to do a lot of chores today.

and YES, I did it ALL!!

Alhamdulillah.

I did a lot of things the moment I opened up my eyes.

Sugoi kan.

Celik-celik je terus I begin wiping the kitchen.

Then I wiped the living room.

Oh minus the rooms.

Not that 'rajin' to do the rooms too.

After that I wiped the furniture.

Finish wiping, I begin dusting.

Dusting all the dust and spider-web on the ceiling.

After finish wiping and dusting I starts sweeping the floor.

One after another.

I'm impressed with myself.

Hahaha!!

I finished with putting the laundry into the washing machine

then straight to shower and zohor'.

Wash all that dirty dust!! 

Whoosh Whoosh!!

Of course by the time I finish

it is time for me to fill me empty stomach.

It already growling at that time.

Let's starts cooking!!

Nyumm nyummm!!

I made bonda egg sandwich and mine boiled egg.

Of course after all that I took 2 hours rest.

Almost or more.

After maghrib I began do the laundry and straight after that 

I began mopping the house.

Mopping is too tiring today.

It's not always like that. 

Maybe I grow too old for this job.

T___T

I was sweating like mad!!

Anyway,

finished that I starts making dinner.

No. I was cooking alone.

Takde friends for dinner pun.

Another sad story of my lives.
huhuhu

After dinner, I finish my chores for today

with the dishes.

I am happy with today chores since I fulfilled all of them.

I thought that maybe I should vacuuming tomorrow.

but I'm too tired today so....

ermm....

Let's wait for tomorrow and see how it goes.