through hardship...

through hardship comes happiness...
nice quote...
and a very good meaning...

through hardship,
suffering,
broken ribs,
broken heart...
you go through all this things and then one day,
you will find your happiness...

i really like that...

it happen to me...
today...

my baby sis,
got 4 flat on her matriculation exam...
it really makes me scream!~
but i didn't scream cause i was with my lecturer
discussing about my thesis...
her result makes my heart ease with pleasure and proud...

this one thing  makes me smile today...
not many good things happen to me...
or not many things,
can makes me smile these days...

i don't know since when....
i can't really say the date...
but since i finish sprout exhibition,
it got worse....

my depression been hanging tightly on my neck...
i can't seem to chased it away...
it just stay there...

i don't know what is the cause to my depression...

of course people won't notice this...
because when there are people around
 i faked it...

worse when i'm alone...
 it makes me almost impossible to smile...
i can't even twitch my mouth...

something hurt 
deep inside my heart...

i can't seem to let it go...
because
i don't  know why it hurt...

why am i depress?
did something happen to me?

what makes me hurt?
did someone hurt me?

why am i crying so much?
did i do something wrong?

my heart hurt like it's going to burst....
why?
why?!!

.
.
.
.
.

so many question...
but yet no one can answer...

i tends to sit...
alone...
thinking...
and questioning...
hoping to hear answer...

but..
when i begin to question myself...
the more depressed i tends to become...
the more visible my problem is...

one thing that i found,
hurt me so much...
it makes me hate...

me....

the cause...
that particular things,
is too small to make me feel this bad...
is what i think...

but...
can it be because of it?
because of that i become like this?

how weak am i?

how pathetic can i be?

how small is this soul...
that it cannot stand this kind of hardship...

how small is my soul,
getting work up because of this...

how stupid is me...
to take this serious shit?!

and how weak is my heart and soul...
to let me be influences badly....
to let this body suffer...
to let me become like this...

my heart...
my soul....
they betray me....

to let me down,
because of things like that....
they fail me....

i fail me....

i let myself down...

i  let myself be weak...

i am a failure....

and tears fall without showing sign to stop...

oh god....

Ya Allah....
i know you can hear me....
i know you are with me...
please hear my prayer...

please oh please
Allah swt...
please...
chased this depression away....
i can't fight it...
i can't ignore it....
please help this servant of Yours...
fighting over this...
.
.
.
.
.


to myself....
to me...

dear heart,
dear soul...

you know you are strong...
so please,
don't makes me question your power...
you proved to me once that you are strong...
stronger that anyone i know...
even when things get worse,

you

stay

 strong...

never to let the wind blow you away...

you have been my companion,
my best man...
my good man.....

but what happen heart?

what happen soul?

you change...

you've changed...

you get mad easily...
you cry easily...
you touched at small things...

and 

worse,

you never smile...
never again that smile appears as sincere as it used to...

i hear your sighing every minutes....
every seconds...
something bothering you,
and you won't tell me...
what happen that makes you like this?

what happen that broke you like this?
or is this some kind of jokes you like to pull?!

why are you doing this to me!!

you are not what you used to be!!

you've changed 
and now 
you changed me!!

are u happy that i'm depressed!!
are you happy!!

why?
why heart?!!
why!!!

why can't you just let it be...
why can't you just let it be...
there's nothing you can do...

nothing in your power can change anything that happen!!

just let it go...

acceptance is the 1st way of forgiving...

don't you dare forget that...

i am strong...
i am strong...
i know i am strong...

but without you my heart and soul...
who am i?
i am nothing without you...

i beg you....
please...
don't let this be worse than it already is...

in this time of needs,
i can only counts on you...

i don't have anyone,
that understand me better than you...

you are my heart...
my soul...

and i know you can hear me...
please....
don't leave me hanging...
don't leave me like this....

.
.
.
.


through hardship,
comes happiness...

through this shit,

i hope a rainbow will come and colour all my problems away...

and the rain will wash all this sadness...
.
and the sun will brighten up my days...

through hardship...
i learn to live....


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my other half

my other half...
i don't know if you are waiting for this...
take a bit of time before i can actually post this...


yeah!!~
it's your birthday...
uh-oh...
i mean its your belated birthday...
hihihih...

how do you celebrate this year birthday?
i'm sorry i can't be there this year...
and last year...
did we celebrated your birthday last year?
i can't remember...
hahahaha!

i know you missed me...
of course i miss you so much!!~
this much!!
<----------------------------------(^0^)------------------------------------->
i will make it longer but it won't look pretty...
hihihihi~


oh,
i almost forgot...
you request something from me..
do you remember it??
no?
you don't?
okay, fine no present then...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
hihihihi
jodan da you!~
i hope this make up for my absent this year...
hope you like it!~
i find it specially for you!~
tadalalalala....
i won't make any promises about buying the real things...
its quite expensive!~
therefor i hope you are satisfied with this picture~
XDDDDD

happy birthday my Twins~
i hope you have a very happy lives....
and may ALLAH SWT bless you....
take care and be strong!~

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sekarang

baru-baru ni...
or in dalam bahasa ibunda recently...

aku dikejutkan dengan msg yg banyak...
 n missed called dari pelbagai pihak...
ok org femes yg aku  ni mmg biasela ader missed called n msg..
kan...
tipula if kate x suke...
ader missed called org cari..
ader msg ader menda yg dicari...
so of course aku suke sgt...
dunia busy nila aku suke...
if busy means i have jobs,
being free means i'm jobless...

jadi bila aku suke mende ni pun jadi lagi gilak~
paling byk missed aku dpt 22~
terkejut beruk aku bgn2 dari tido
22!!

what!!

mmg giler life aku time tu...
aku dahla mmg giler...
tambah ni jadi insane!

anyway,
ape yg buat aku x suke ngan missed called ngan msg 
sebab comfirm dorg nak cari aku...
nak cari sekarang...
now..
ima...
mmg bukan salah dorg yg memerlukan aku diwaktu sekarang...
tapi kadang2 aku rasa sesak nafas...
sekali sekala nak sekarang aku boleh terima...
tp almost everytime they need me sekarang....
kalau aku asyik bagi sekarang ,
mane sekarang aku?

rase cam nak nangis kadang2...
sbb aku org yg mengikut plan..
if everytime they contacted me they need me sekarang...
lame2 aku pun jadi sawan...
x sempat nak sober kan diri dah rushing adrenaline kena berkjearan ke sana-sini...

of course it's not your fault..
i'm not blaming anyone...
just merely state my feelings...

keje mesti buat..
faham...
keje mesti jalan...
pun faham...
cuma dalam kite buat keje....
x semestinya setiap perjalanan tu kite suke....

setiap perjalanan hari ni....
aku ambil,
jadikan pedoman,
pengajaran....

sekarang,
mengajar aku erti kesabaran.....

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update [about me]

a lot have happened to me since my last post....
when is it again...
last week i suppose...
oh i can't remember...

anyway,
since i have lots to tell,
and afraid if i will forget...
here goes...
updates about me..

1- finish my Rintis Exhibition...
mom, dad, kakngah and irah came to watch me...
despite the wheelchair it seems to me mom was enjoying herself...
abah too was excited bout my work...
don't worry abah, if Allah SWT said my rezeki is in the industry,
i'll make it there... insyaAllah...
kakngah n irah was excited with our exhibition and my friends...
going here and there...
i was so overwhelmed by their appearances though i may not look like it..
but i was so happy and delighted by you guys!~
thank you!
you all are the best!!

2- i got Weirdo back...
while abah was visiting me for Rintis,
abah also deal with Weirdo...
he's ok now...
maybe a lit loose here and there..
but he's in the perfect condition for me..
i can drive him around USM...
but still nervous and afraid of cars..
so i don't want to drive outside the usm...
not at the moment...

3-my project is a success!!
i was so happy for the project!
though the room's condition is not to my favour..
other people project's light was overshadowing my shadow...
the bright light from them actually ruined my shadow..
but i think my lect quite understand my situation...
despite that audiences loved it..
and i loved it too..
and i know my mom loved it more...

4-have to start looking for job..
i will finish university in june..
i don't want to be unemployed for a long time..
and i want to start saving...

5-i didn't follow the original plan to pursues master..
i end up choosing working experience than learning...
hope this is the right choice..
i will do my master after a few years..
insyAllah...

6-i actually can see who my friends really are...
even those who are close to me seems like strangers when i know the real them..
makes me thinking that i want to end this right now...
but people said if we are true friends,
we accept good and bad things about them...
i don't know about this...
makes me hurt!~

7-my-was-once-into-him came to the exhibition..
not my invitation though... shame...
but i was happy because he actually want to listen to me talking and explaining..
quite happy though he is not the one i'm hoping to see..
but still happy to see him...

8-because my teeth have healed now...
i begin to carelessly drink sweet stuff + ice....
and it begin to affect my feet...
have to control and drink plain water only...

9-can sleep almost anywhere,
 begin to developed this ability when i was doing FYP...
if i put my head down,
instantly i begin to feel sleepy and in 3 minutes...
Zzzzz~

10-can't wait to go home...
i miss my home to bad!~

11-anyway my dear twins...
happy birthday to you!!~
i know you want a post for yourself...
i understand..
i'll try to make it...
but don't hope for it so much...
time is restricted me from doing so...
anyway may Allah swt bless you as you walk this new year...
hope you find the perfect HIM for you...
and can't wait to meet him too~!

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my bad...

today is really not my day..
well, not that i have many my day...
but this is really not my day as it concern my kazoku...
today when i was getting ready to go to school,
i noticed a thread under my room8's bed..
at 1st i thought it was a thread but when i look closely,


"eh ader kepale?"
okay fine..

finally understood what it was...
standing up i calm myself.
i look at my friend and said...

"su jgn panik tp berdiri skg.."

i think she can hear something was wrong from my voice,
because she suddenly screams..

"aaah!! aaah!!!"

then she panickly climb the bed..
the tip of the bed..
i almost scared she fall...
but then she safely transfer to my bed..
and when she see what i see
she was like
and i bravely slowly walk to the door,
and find someone to banish the creature..
while Su waiting in the room...
in case the creature walks or slides away...

the pakcik killed the creature..
i was thankful nothing happen...
and hopefully it never happen again..

that's the story in the morning...
this is the incident that happen after that...
shortly after that..
i was thinking to call mom to tell her about the creature incident...
when my little sis called me..
it was unexpected and as i was really want to talk about it i was feeling happy..
but the caller isn't too happy...
she said that i change our group privacy from closed to open...
thus people and especially our friends can read all about it!!~

oh my god!!
what an embarrassing moment!

that's where we pour all our hearts~
and people can read em..
but after awhile,
i manage to calm myself..
there isn't any emotion or secrets that can bring people down...
so i think for now 

we are safe..

but still
 if someone was hurt because of us,

i sincerly apologize...

the group purpose is for
us sister to open and consult our heart to each other...
it was never meant to hurt people..
but the damage is done,
and i can never able to turn back the time..
so i am really sorry...
for my action have hurt all of you...

evidence of my mistakes..
but i cannot remember anything regarding this...
"i am as forgetful as 70 years old granny..."
pardon my grannyness...

i am sorry...
it was as i put it...
my bad...
my bad...
my bad...
my bad...
my bad...

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Black as we see it...

here i am...
wondering my own business,
when suddenly...
we all was like,
what?!!
not again...
it happen so many times already..
it can hurt our soul and lappy,
lappy can't be switch off like that..
it hurt him~

yeah, it's totally black out rite now..
i was on phone with mom when i hear 'tap'!
and then the whole floor went black..
or dim...
but there are still light in level 2...
hmm..
but i know it is dark here..

and they said the power source 'tendang' the main power...
thus all the power been cut off..
sugoi kan..
like all of our equipment is so damn powerful that power source can't support us..
thus he demand a raise!~

-gimme a raise!!-
what a face 0-o

oh dear..
our 2nd year was doing their editing thingy...
and didn't save em when this happen..
poor them...

our class also face the same problem..
hope everyone keep calm..
and
let's keep fighting for the FINAL!
ganbare minna!

even in this kind of state we still have each other...
hahahah!!
in this kind of situation,
i wish i  had my crush with me..
so i can makes this an opportunity to be close..
but i don't have crush...
-sigh-



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almost that time of the year..

Hello hello!!~
it is that time of the year..
the time that i loved the most..
of  course...
what is not to love?
there's cake...
birthday cake...
happy people....
gathering....
we are happy everytime we gather...
and there's cake!

satay!
~(maybe my family only~ XD or  maybe it's just me)

and of course,
the birthday boy/girl~
clip art birthday cake Birthday Cake Clip Art

i really love celebrate and having birthday!~
it's fun and it makes people know that you care..

today, i want to wish my big aniki a very happy birthday!!~
well not today but 9th May is his birthday!~
wari na aniki...
kyou no tanjounbi, ore wa inai yo..
next year i'll try to be with you..
i wish you the berry berry best with your life, work and
 everything that you put your mind into..
may ALLAH SWT bless you dear brother..
and remember i always love you!~
although we fought like mad..

and
this month also we have another birthday girl~
i don't know older baby girl..
i don't think i'll make it this year..
will you be kind enough to forgive me??

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Finally it's here~

it's been so long!!~

hihihi, do you guys miss me?
i haven't have anything in particular to updates this blog..
furthermore, i'm in charge with my exhibition's blog...
and i'm in charge with the exhibition's money...
plus i'm also making the teaser for our exhibition..
not to mention to i'm keeping my eyes on my crew...
and to top it all, 
i have to finish my final year project before 18th May~
wuhoo!!
so much fun!!


so just for you guys,
our final year exhibition will be held in
Penang Pac, Stairts Quay, Penang
18th May to 20th May!~
be sure to come and support me!~
until then,
bye bye!~


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you are you

try to be yourself,
regardless what people are saying...
you are you...
no matter how stupid, ugly, genius or beautiful you are..
you are still you...

people can say 100 different things,
yet no one really know who you really are..

to be yourself is a quest...
you have to achieve yourself...

life is all about learning...
you learn about others,
and you also learn about you...
what makes you, you...

you live and you learn...
you write your own story...
and you discover your greatest secret...
the true you....
just take a moment of silence...
and think for a moment...
have you discover yourself?

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All Best!~

All  The Best BaBy Sis!!

My baby sis got an interview in 
USM Kubang Kerian!!~
wuhoo!!
congrats congrats!!
all the best GIRL!!

cam tak percaya this baby sis of mine dah besar!!
and will be a university student in september!!
T^T
don't leave me baby girl!!~

Baby sis!!
congrats for your interview!!
i wish you all the best for the interview!!~
don't worry everything will be ok~

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