through hardship comes happiness...
nice quote...
and a very good meaning...
through hardship,
suffering,
broken ribs,
broken heart...
you go through all this things and then one day,
you will find your happiness...
i really like that...
it happen to me...
today...
my baby sis,
got 4 flat on her matriculation exam...
it really makes me scream!~
but i didn't scream cause i was with my lecturer
discussing about my thesis...
her result makes my heart ease with pleasure and proud...
this one thing makes me smile today...
not many good things happen to me...
or not many things,
can makes me smile these days...
i don't know since when....
i can't really say the date...
but since i finish sprout exhibition,
it got worse....
my depression been hanging tightly on my neck...
i can't seem to chased it away...
it just stay there...
i don't know what is the cause to my depression...
of course people won't notice this...
because when there are people around
i faked it...
worse when i'm alone...
it makes me almost impossible to smile...
i can't even twitch my mouth...
something hurt
deep inside my heart...
i can't seem to let it go...
because
i don't know why it hurt...
why am i depress?
did something happen to me?
what makes me hurt?
did someone hurt me?
why am i crying so much?
did i do something wrong?
my heart hurt like it's going to burst....
why?
why?!!
.
.
.
.
.
so many question...
but yet no one can answer...
i tends to sit...
alone...
thinking...
and questioning...
hoping to hear answer...
but..
when i begin to question myself...
the more depressed i tends to become...
the more visible my problem is...
one thing that i found,
hurt me so much...
it makes me hate...
me....
the cause...
that particular things,
is too small to make me feel this bad...
is what i think...
but...
can it be because of it?
because of that i become like this?
how weak am i?
how pathetic can i be?
how small is this soul...
that it cannot stand this kind of hardship...
how small is my soul,
getting work up because of this...
how stupid is me...
to take this serious shit?!
and how weak is my heart and soul...
to let me be influences badly....
to let this body suffer...
to let me become like this...
my heart...
my soul....
they betray me....
to let me down,
because of things like that....
they fail me....
i fail me....
i let myself down...
i let myself be weak...
i am a failure....
and tears fall without showing sign to stop...
oh god....
Ya Allah....
i know you can hear me....
i know you are with me...
please hear my prayer...
please oh please
Allah swt...
please...
chased this depression away....
i can't fight it...
i can't ignore it....
please help this servant of Yours...
fighting over this...
.
.
.
.
.
to myself....
to me...
dear heart,
dear soul...
you know you are strong...
so please,
don't makes me question your power...
you proved to me once that you are strong...
stronger that anyone i know...
even when things get worse,
you
stay
strong...
never to let the wind blow you away...
you have been my companion,
my best man...
my good man.....
but what happen heart?
what happen soul?
you change...
you've changed...
you get mad easily...
you cry easily...
you touched at small things...
and
worse,
you never smile...
never again that smile appears as sincere as it used to...
i hear your sighing every minutes....
every seconds...
something bothering you,
and you won't tell me...
what happen that makes you like this?
what happen that broke you like this?
or is this some kind of jokes you like to pull?!
why are you doing this to me!!
you are not what you used to be!!
you've changed
and now
you changed me!!
are u happy that i'm depressed!!
are you happy!!
why?
why heart?!!
why!!!
why can't you just let it be...
why can't you just let it be...
there's nothing you can do...
nothing in your power can change anything that happen!!
just let it go...
acceptance is the 1st way of forgiving...
don't you dare forget that...
i am strong...
i am strong...
i know i am strong...
but without you my heart and soul...
who am i?
i am nothing without you...
i beg you....
please...
don't let this be worse than it already is...
in this time of needs,
i can only counts on you...
i don't have anyone,
that understand me better than you...
you are my heart...
my soul...
and i know you can hear me...
please....
don't leave me hanging...
don't leave me like this....
.
.
.
.
through hardship,
comes happiness...
through this shit,
i hope a rainbow will come and colour all my problems away...
and the rain will wash all this sadness...
.
and the sun will brighten up my days...
through hardship...
i learn to live....
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