The Devil Inside Me : I'm not strong

The Devil Inside Me

Inside Five :   I'm not strong

I'm not strong


I'm not strong as everyone thinks I am.
The more I smiles the more I hide.
No one knows anything and no one try to find out.

Everyday just pass by
and I'm lock inside depression.
My mind keep on playing the same sentences over and over again.
"Do it."
Do what exactly.
Aren't I doing it? Is it not enough?
Is it not enough for you?
Is it hard for you to understand how hard this is for me?
Why am I here? Why do I have to go through this?
Why not you?
No one sees the problem I'm facing.
To people this is leisure.
This is happiness.
This is heaven.

Just so you people know.
This is not leisure.
This is not happiness,
and this is certainly not heaven for me.

This is hell.
This is hell.
This is hell.

I'm living in depression.
It's suffocated.
It's disturbing.
It's killing me.

I do not wish to be here.
Nor I wish to stay.

Sometimes,
what we hope for will never be granted.
Sometime,
the more we try the more we fail.
and sometimes
the more we live, the more we die.

I'm not strong.
I never was.
I put up a face and pretend I was okay.
I'm not strong.
I will never be.

I will fight.
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I lie.