LiFe is HarD, so KeeP oN MovIng

Emotasia is gone?

3:20 PM | Labels: 2015, emoji

I always use emotasia as my emoji.

They are always in my blog.

But just now when I went to the website.

It was gone.

Emotasia is gone?

emotasia

There is nothing there.

I wonder what happen.

The saddest part,

my blog will not have a square picture instead of the emoji.

Bummer.

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Hurt but Hopeful

3:16 PM | Labels: alhamdulillah, interview, its have a reason~~

Though all of it was a scam.

A fake invitation.

A conned.

Whatever people called them,

for me it is a HOPE.

The last time I heard the word 'invitation'

is 4 months ago.

This, for me is Good News.

Hurt but Happy at the same time.

I carried a mix feeling throughout this process.

I google about the company,

and the result does not came up good.

Also I come across this forum

forum here

that just gives me the chill of how real this scam is.

It never occur to me,

that someone would actually lie.

Lying about job advertisement.

The people who work hard, looking and searching,

preparing everything they can so they nail the job,

and these scammers took that opportunity to do what?

make money?

It just plain wrong.

It's not the work that is wrong,

it was you said.

How you never told them what did they really sign up for.

Personally, since I didn't attend the interview

I don't have any experience or fact about the company.

They can be legit for all I know,

but since I already acquired alot of information about them,

my heart doesn't feel right.

I therefor decided to follow my heart and declined the interview.

People that are looking for a job,

be careful.

Be extra cautions and always do a background check.

This is an eyeopener for me.

I never expect this kind of things to exist actually.

Alhamdulillah.

There's a reason to everything.

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The Devil Inside Me : Anger Lies behinds the Smiles

3:49 AM | Labels: Inside 4, The Devils Inside Me

The Devil Inside Me

Inside Four : Anger Lies behind the Smiles

Anger lies behind the Smiles

Anger is there no matter what you do.
Eventhough you are laughing, you are smiling or when you are praying.
They will always be there. I don't know if it will be gone and disappears,
I just know that anger needs to be control.
To be taught and to be tame.

Everyone needs to be angry.
You needs to express yourself.
But if anger doesn't be control or you lose the momentum of yourself,
anger will blows up and trust me, you are not the only person anger will blow.
Everything around you will eventually blows up.

You see, anger is a virus. It contagious.
If one person blows, the other people that involve will also gets the blows.
When that happens,
it depends solely on yourself.
How do you control your anger.
And how do you calm down and take charge over anger and make sure,
anger stays and won't blow you anymore than it already did.

I am yet to master the art of calmness.
How do you stay calm,
when everyone keep on feeding my anger.
My anger eventually will blows,
and the final hit is I'm afraid is really really near.

Everytime I tried my hardness to control anger,
I find myself tearing up,
my veins vexed up and I have to keep on repeating to myself
I am okay.
I do not need this.
I am okay.
I do not need this.
How in the world am I okay?
How did I know I am okay?
Obviously it was a lie I told myself so my anger can get calm
and eventually it will rest and sleeps
until the next blows.

I really really want to kill my anger.
I can't live like this anymore.
Anger eventually it will kills me,
before it can kill anyone else.

Everyone knows the art.
The art to calm one anger.
Believe me,
if people don't know,
you will hear news about suicide and homicide
every seconds and every minutes.

One must know how to control one's anger.
Regardless who it belongs to.
If you know how,
you can live without the fear of anger caught on to you.

Anger will always be there.
Hiding behind the sweet little smiles,
Waiting patiently until the last blow.
If that happen,
run.
Run and never look back.

It's too late.

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Syawal in Sendayan 2015

3:32 AM | Labels: 2015, abah, alhamdulillah, aniki, arts, baby sis, eid, kazoku, little sis, mak, the knights, twins

Syawal in Sendayan 2015

It's the time of the year again!!

After Ramadhan we have Syawal boys and girls!

And on this Sweet-Month we celebrate our winning against lust in

Ramadhan.

What's different this year is,

we decided to celebrate Eid in our new house,

in Sendayan!

Tara-rara~~ * insert drumrolls here

Bonda said that she wants to welcome

this new house and experience the celebration in this house.

So we did all the prep need to be done...

It is really rare to see this sight of the knights.

we are not the clean up girls type.

animated yellow pear emoticons 7 Animated Yellow Pear Emoticons

anyway,

lots and lots of image are going to turn up,

so beware of self-satisfying!! hahaha

I start with the prep for Syawal

1st of course, Kuih Raya!

Actually this is just half,

A bit exciting about hari raya this year I think.

chinese silver metal emoticons 3 Chinese Silver Metal Emoticons

And the cleaning begins!!

We change all the sheets,

all the curtains and I even moves the boxes

from the breakfast table!

Before this,

under the table is full with boxes and boxes!

You can't even see the kitchen!

I did this all myself!

I am sugoi!!

Then we splits.

Each person have their own task.

let me break it for you guys.

Bonda: Put the little thingy inside the curtain.

Of course she monitor us and instruct. hahaha

I can't say exactly what bonda did but she always in between works.

She gives us spirits and hope!

Little Sis : Mopping, Dusting and Vakum.

She even dust the fan and the lights that are almost 10metres high. Of course using the stairs.

Baby Sis: Cleaning the toilet

She cleans all the toilets! I give her 8/10! It's spotless but always room for improvement!

Twin: Wiping windows

This new house has lots of windows and my twin cleans them all!!

The Lord: That's me btw.

I change the sheets and curtain for all the room except aniki rooms.

I don't know who did that room. hahaha

I know we splits up our works,

but when the time comes,

everyone was moving as one.

One minutes I was in the rooms, but when little sis needs me I was out with her,

the same with everyone else.

We work together and helps anyone that needs help.

It was easy this year.

I was almost having fun cleaning the house...

Okay, I did have fun!

So this is the final product!

After that we straightaway goes to cooking!

No pict,

since everyone doesn't wear hijab~

__________________________________________________

Moving on.

The celebration of Syawal

This is me.

No, I didn't wear any purdah. I just play with my shawl.

and I wear my birthday present from dear twin!

They say I look scary.

Family Photo

We actually did a sit down version,

but unfortunately I don't have that pictures in my possession.

No wonder I can't make a photo manipulation,

I always ran out of photos.

We look so happy right~

Tada!!

Presenting my nephew!

Can't remember his full name.

3 Generations Picture

Baby Shahin but his name is longer than that.

I hope I can take pictures like this with Bonda.

That's all for this year.

I hope everyone have a great Eid and hopefully

a very sweet and happy year.

So for this year Greeting's Card

I present to you

Love you guys,

and god bless!!

maybe if I finally have the pictures,

I will make a new post about our Eid's Outing.

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The Devil Inside Me : Putting On The Mask

12:01 PM | Labels: Inside 3, The Devils Inside Me

The Devil Inside Me

Inside Three : Putting On The Mask

Putting On The Mask

Jealousy is a true face that you can never hide.
You know it's ugly,
yet you can never remove it.
Jealously stuck like a disease and the fault on you.
You let it grow.

The moment you heard the news you waiting all your life to hear
but the news was not directed to you
yet you have to be happy for them,
because a happy news is still a happy news.

Slowly,
you pull out the mask from your drawer.
You hold it in you hand and you have to decide,
To wear the mask,
or to put it back inside.

It was never easy being me.
I am a jealous-type kind of girl.
I am also an overachiever person.
Having both of this character,
hurts me the most when I'm at the bottom.
Especially now.

I heard all kind of good news.
All kind.
Each one of them is the dreams that has yet to be true.
I stand here,
listening to them,
with a mask on my face.
saying
Congratulations! I'm happy for you!
Yet,
inside
I'm struggling with all kind of emotion.

Now the question came into my mind.
Should I or should I not be happy for them?
Their news is only a happy news for them.
Why?
Why should I be happy for them?
It doesn't make me happy to know that
someone out there is living my dream.
It's painful.

This emotion.
Make me come to a conclusion.
Put on the Mask
It is better to wear the mask.

Some people don't care about other people's problem,
so instead of showing people the true feelings of myself
Conceal
yes, I conceal them.

Jealously is a pain-in-the-ass.
You have to tame them and never let it show.
It is a pain because people don't understand.
Will you understand if I said I'm jealous of you.
Then you will start asking why?
and then giving-excuses-to-make-me-feel-better starts.
Not to mention all kind of positives words began to pop up.
Haha

It doesn't work that way.
Jealous is not something you can erased.
It lingers.
I may said I'm okay and happy for you.
Inside,
the jealousy is lingering.
Waiting for another happy news to happen again.
Then it will pops.
This time,
my face will become obvious.
Irritated.

People don't understand.
It's hard to control your emotion,
especially when you know you deserves the same kind of happiness.

You keep on asking yourself.
You keep on questioning yourself.
You begin to ask question and question,
and you just keep on repeating the same question
over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,

it will never stops.

even though hundred question has been asked,
not a single answer is given.
thus,
you stay there,
hopelessly,
praying,
that
someday
someone
can help you
to erase the feelings.

because
it's hurting you
and
you know,
you can't stand it anymore.

Jealousy kills.

Sometimes you don't want to run away from reality,
you need a break.

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Emotasia is gone?

Hurt but Hopeful

The Devil Inside Me : Anger Lies behinds the Smiles

Syawal in Sendayan 2015

The Devil Inside Me : Putting On The Mask